Networking...right...
“How long has it been since you graduated?”
“Oh, since last May. I decided to return to the Washington DC area to look for a job.”
“Oh that sounds great! You are doing so well for yourself! You should consider applying to my last place of employment…by chance have you ever heard of THE WORLD BANK?”
“My goodness! Yes! You worked there!?!”
“Oh yeah! you would like it…this is what you do…go to www.worldbank.com…”
::Ebony rolls her eyes, then faints::
FIN
———————————————————————————————–
“So, College social night! In DC! At some random Pub in Northwest! Oh rapture!”
“Quite, quite. What have you been up to since graduating and coming back to the area?”
“Oh me? Well I have been looking for a job, trying to start my career”
“Oh yeah? What are you interested in? Would you be open to an internship? My job has great opportunities involving international development, ::alum reaches for business card, pulls it out::, global health and other fields…what’s your major?”
“Oh that sounds great! I would be open to that! My major was Art History..”
“What? really? Nevermind!”
Now imagine Ebony change the subject awkwardly, and then at the end of the night throw away the Alum’s business card behind the pub with the beer cans and the bums.
END SCENE
———————————————————————————-
Yield! Networking ahead...
The reason that I mention these specific incidents is more because they so absurd, and less because they were my most horrific networking moments.
Oh yes, it gets worse.
Am I the only one experiencing this? I can’t be. I refuse to be. Since graduating last year…my networking skills have all but died a fiery death in networking hell.
Between the people who make fun of my major, to the folks who tell me to go to an over saturated website, filled to the brim with resumes from thousands of people, my networking tales are the stuff of horror.
And why am I classifying them as such? Because! Networking should be able to get you somewhere…anywhere!
Not nowhere!
If you are having a conversation with someone at a networking function, and it leads to nowhere, it has gone wrong. And sometimes it goes horribly wrong.
I guess when I network with people, I am hoping to either offer something in return of something, or help the person reach their goal. Or gain some information for myself! This is what the game of networking is all about. But when someone tells you something you already know, how is that helpful? What are you supposed to do with that information?
Thanks, but: I already have been staring at the World Bank website, sent my resume and dream about working there: EVERY NIGHT
And Great, but: Just because I studied Art History does not mean its all I know or can do. I WENT TO A LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE. AN ACADEMIC BUFFET. I CAN DO ANYTHING! And I am planning to study International Development in grad school…so sod off!
I mean really. So many assumptions, superfluous information, and brains cells destroyed in all these ridiculous conversations I have with people at these so called networking events.
I don’t even try anymore. I do the light smile and wave. Which when translated means: “I am not remotely interested in explaining myself to you. If you say something stupid…ITS GOING DOWN.”
Maybe I am expecting too much from the random encounters, these backroom convos, these exchanges of nothing.
In Part 2 of this article, I am going to go into specifics of the fruit good and productive networking bears. Whew ::wipes forehead:: at least the bad part is over. Now the healing can begin…
Do you have any horrible networking stories? Share them in the comments! You can also email us at: questions@obsoletewhenallemployed.com
Ebony J.
